Iain Duncan Smith Shares Advice for Keeping Warm This Winter: Burn Public Money

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There were 31,100 excess winter deaths last year, with 25,600 linked to fuel poverty in the elderly.  In an interview with the BBC’s Daily Politics, Work and Pensions secretary Iain Duncan-Smith (IDS) shared his personal method of keeping warm: burn public money.

IDS is fortunate to live rent free in the £2m country estate of his aristocratic father in law, set in three acres of grounds, with tennis courts and swimming pool.  But without his parliamentary expenses, he would have been forced to face the rising cost of energy out of his own pocket.  “You see I was able to burn £134, 565 in salary and expenses alone last year. It’s kept me virtually balmy.”

In the Betsy Gate scandal of 2001, it was revealed that the tax payer was paying £15,000 a year for IDS’s wife to become his ‘diary secretary’.  There is ample evidence that Betsy didn’t perform any such role worthy of the salary, which was hardly likely to register in the bank accounts of the daughter of the moneyed 5th Baron Cottesloe of Swanbourne and Harwick. “Well of course Betsy didn’t lift a finger! Other than to warm her hands on the glow of all that public money going up in smoke.” laughed IDS in a recent interview.

The Department of Work and Pensions (DWP) spent £112.4m on Atos Work Capability Assessments in 2011/12, only to lose another £50m funding the appeals of sick and disabled people who had lost their benefit entitlement after being wrongly judged ‘fit to work’.  He simply snorted with laughter at this point in the interview.

“But far and away the biggest pyre I have burning at the moment is Universal Credit” IDS announced with a mock salute. The brain child of IDS, Universal Credit will roll 6 benefits into one, reduce the benefit entitlement of at least 2.8m people, and make benefit applications available only online.

In September this year, amid rumours the IT project was facing significant issues and likely to vastly exceed both budget and time estimates, IDS stated “This is not an IT disaster. This will be delivered in time and on budget,”.

The project’s budget has actually been multiplied six times since 2010 – originally estimated at £2.2bn, the project is now set to cost £12.8bn.  It was announced this week that a further £40m has been spent on code that is not fit for purpose, and has been written down.  This means – wasted.  The project is no longer on schedule to serve all benefit users by 2017.

It is unclear whether the project will ever come to fruition, or what the eventual cost will be to the taxpayer.  It is nothing short of a disaster.  But this doesn’t appear to bring IDS down.

“Every cloud has a silver lining.  I’ll no doubt gain a lucrative consultancy or directorship role from all this when I step down as an MP.  To some it may look like a disaster, to me it looks like solid pension plan.  Some public money can be burned to heat us today, the rest will keep us warm for many years to come.”

As the interview drew to a close, the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions belched exuberantly and patted a noticeably more ample midriff. “Do excuse me!” he pleaded. “I’m bloated after a rather sumptuous breakfast.  It would have cost me £39, but…expenses.

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11 thoughts on “Iain Duncan Smith Shares Advice for Keeping Warm This Winter: Burn Public Money

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      • Wait… what? Which quotes are real and which aren’t?! I did notice the tag “satire” but it’s hardly clear; I really think it should be clearly labelled when something is not factual…

          • The word satire occurs twice, only as tags. I’ll admit the first is fairly clear, but I still missed it until I read the comments (which didn’t exist when I first read it). Whilst this is my own mistake, and I do not blame you for it, I feel adding a short disclaimer to the start or adding “satire” to the post title would be prudent. (As an aside, only tagging this post with satire (and not things related to the content) was a good idea).

            Whilst on this topic, the emails notifying of new posts do not include tags, and include an incredibly truncated version of the first paragraph, which often only repeats the title. I don’t know if you can change this, but it’s why I skimmed past the title and tags section of this post (again.. my fault).

            I do value your work, but the rest does not quite follow “Where there is a source link, real. Where there isn’t…not.” Specifically where not sourced, it is based off your interpretation ([and in some cases opinion] of the sourced information. This is somewhat different to [admittedly fairly comical] fiction, so I hope you can appreciate my concern, as people might believe it out of hand, despite the obvious clues. However, as far as I’m aware this is your first satirical piece on Scriptonite, so I apologise for my haste.

        • Just like IDS he cant tell the difference between fact or Fiction either..

          The Fact that he has helped cause the premature deaths of claimants wrongly assessed and the Suicide of others who could no longer take the unwarranted pressure put upon them by wrongly losing their benefits..

          The Fiction that everything is rosie and he has stastics to prove it ..and there are jobs out there for everybody …

          FACT……He nows believes his own lies … as they say if you tell the lie often enough ….
          How many of his Tax Evading mates have died …or His Robbing Banker mates have they all rushed to the treasury to pay up what they owe ??Nooo
          Its of no doubt they have only paid usual lip service and still robbing us all blind ..

          Fiction that everyone on benefits is a cheat and they all live in Sink Estates..

          Fact.. the Biggest Cheats do live on Estates …Country Estates and we the people subsidise them, IDS Father- in-Law for one,
          but the poor soul needs it to Keep IDS in the Style he has become ever so accustomed too…not forgetting The MPs or the House of Lords who lie and cheat on a Daily basis.

          Fiction ..MPS are public servants the Biggest Lie of all
          Fact…….MPS only serve themselves.. a tiny majority of them are Honest and that minority are getting smaller and smaller as time passes..

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